Why clubs are stupid

Welcome to big room clubbing. What I'm referring to here is the clubbing that takes place in huge, cavernous, spaces, the kind of clubs where the kick bounces off the back wall over and over again, the kind of club where the reaction that "Full Clip" by Martin Buttrich or the latest record on Coccoon gets is akin to a home crowd watching a last minute winner slot into the top right hand corner.

Think Space, Cream, or fabric. Think of sweaty hordes and white vests, shutter shades, and multilingual smoking area the size of a Tesco Metro. Think of the strange sensation that comes with submitting yourself to something utterly monumental, something far beyond you and who and what you are. It's not a sensation that's loved by everyone, however. And when the Spectator of all places are gunning for events which see huge swathes of people happily give away their sense of agency and submit to a furiously loud figurehead, then you know things are a bit off.

Despite what Durex might tell you, intimacy is overrated. While there's an undeniably huge amount of pleasure to be derived from a night spent in close proximity to the people you want to be closest too , to claim that it's somehow a more valid experience than watching a titanic techno mainstay thrash through the same records they've been mechanically playing for thirty years to a crowd the size of Burnley is quite simply wrong.

If clubbing is, as we're often told, a truly inclusive experience—or at least one that purports to a kind of inclusivity not seen in many other places—then sneering at the kind of people who actively enjoy paying hand over first to fist pump to "big room tech house" makes about as much sense as proclaiming that anyone who enjoys trance steals knickers off washing lines, or that the House Lad we outlined here on THUMP last week is an inherently evil creation because he likes Eats Everything and leg days.

The blanket dismissal of anything is nothing but a tacit admission of fear, and the anti-big room brigade are an embodiment of thing that poses the biggest long term threat to club culture's future: snobbery.

All of us are participants in the perpetuation of the idea that music—and just as importantly, the people who like it—can be judged in any kind of objective way. But you shouldn't need anyone to tell you that nobody thinks you're a 'better' music fan because you've decided that the kind of person who wants to go to Amnesia for Laidback Luke is inferior to your mate from the internet who plays acid down the local liberal club to a disinterested crowd of barely there pensioners supping on the cheapest pints on offer.

I understand that for many people this distrust of the big room night out goes beyond not wanting to hear hoary old records played by hoary old DJs who presumably owe someone, somewhere, substantial amounts of cash. I get that the thought of huge rooms filled with people in varying levels of chemically-assisted decay can be an uncomfortable, scary, unpleasant proposition. That element of chaotic congregation is occasionally incredibly off putting and as an experience can be the kind of thing that, done badly, would understandably turn clubbing from a pleasure to a dreadful chore.

But that's not what I'm talking about. But suddenly she's Rihanna when she walks into a club. MAYBE the bartender would treat her to a free beer. You can enjoy some sliders while you hang out with your friends. By Candice Jalili. Guille Faingold. Here are just a few reasons out of a million why the bars are better than the clubs. You can actually have a conversation.

Yes, this means kissing the free candy and mouthwash goodbye. Grinding is kept to a minimum. You can drink what you want when you want. Guys are significantly less douchey. There is no hierarchy. The music is better. You don't spend stupid money. There's no such thing as a "bar promoter. There is no desperation. The people at the bars are actually over The bartender is less douchey. Bathrooms don't have White House-level security. Anyone have any thoughts on why people would do such thing?

Anyone want to admit to having done such a thing? Well, that's nothing compared to how some people dance. How about when someone asks to sit at your table, and then when you let him, proceeds to pull out a bag and start rolling a blunt with a security guy about five feet away.

The mind boggles Going to clubs would be a lot more fun if it wasn't for all the people. How about this one: Going clubbing in the first place with three kids at home, rolling on E, asking strangers for weed, and gettin' drunk with your boyfriend?

Yea, such was the case with a couple I met this past summer. And another, also from this summer: Gettin' drunk, putting a chair on your head, touchin' women's asses, and staring down local punks. That's a Calvin orginal, I tells ya. I might be a horrible person, but I say don't knock it till you try it.

Except the whole getting your shit stolen. Just remembered that a few weeks ago I saw a bunch of kids sitting under a speaker the speakers are on top of these huge crates on which peopel sometimes dance, sometimes dancers perform. I thought it must have been incredibly painful. If I'm bored enough, next time I'll try it.

What do clubs in your local areas charge for admission? In NYC it's 25 bucks. We have several pretty good clubs in Little Rock and one that is flat-out great I'm a club-snob tho' so others may say different. Stupid things people do in clubs? Get so drunk that they start doing face dives on the table. Yeah, kinda like driving in that respect, isn't it? Usually people around here aren't that stupid, but what do I know.

I don't go clubbing all that often Ya, I play in a band so I get a front row seat. I've been playing in a band in the clubs for 24 years and I wouldn't know where to start with the stupid stuff I've seen. I used to play in a band too, that was a long time ago Last week, some of my shipmates got drunk and went clubbing without me , and after partaking much libations, they began to do "mountain-climbers" and "Eight-cout body builders" out on the dancefloor, at hyper-speed, in perfect sync!